i'm writing from the floor of my bedroom, surrounded by papers & books & art supplies. i am moving house this week, and deep within the long slow process of sorting and boxing and collapsing, condensing my life down into simple, moveable blocks.
and i came across a letter to my oldest friend, j., started and unfinished more than two years ago. always easily distracted, i let my eye glance across the page; it rested on a particular passage, and i stopped still and stared. the way that these things find us, exactly when we need them.
'i think that just seeing what happens between yourself and v. is probably the best plan. i'm a great believer in letting things take their own course, in trying to define things as little as possible. i think that truth, & true feeling, thrives best when free of labels: giving things the space to be whatever they will be is one of the wisest acts imaginable. [...] the most important thing is to be open & honest with each other - no expectations, no obligations, no definitions. and it is so fun & free to live that way!! if i were you, i'd enjoy this moment of intimacy with v. on its most instantaneous level: no future, no past: just here & now & the two of you, glad to be there. the eternal now!! things will fall into place of their own accord - in their own time. (this is the hardest thing to deal with: humans are impatient, hungry creatures: we want to KNOW, & we want it NOW, & we claw & pick & push for knowledge, for meaning, for something absolute to which we can cling. i try every day to let go of this need.) to be happy is the most important thing - to be happy, & to hurt nobody else. aside from that, what is there? so enjoy it, enjoy it! - because life is the briefest spark of warmth inbetween two darknesses, & all that we can do is reach blindly towards each other, to know one another; to strengthen the flame, to love, to seek comfort, to stave off the darkness, to create our own light. grasp it, & hold it! because life is the loneliest thing, & also the most beautiful, & all we have is ours to share!'